An Affair.

How have I been??

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 21:06:16 -0400

Well, it has been quite the Summer of 2009! It was quite unexpecteddd ~~~ At the moment, I am feeling indifferent to everything. So much has happened that… I can’t even put it into words O_O;;;. So, I’m going to leave it like this… a mystery. (:

——-

I start Uni IN A DAY @______@;;;. OMG OMG OMG… I’m pretty nervous =-=;;;… I wonder how different it is in comparison to high school… and what is the level of difficulty o_O;;… I need to do very well this year… because I need to transfer -.-” ~ I’m hoping everything works out fine. Um, getting to King’s Campus is such a hassle LOL. One hour commute~~~ two hours wasted every single day… =-=;;. And guess what… I thought going into university means waking up LATE til 10-11 am ish. But really… that’s not the case… On Monday, I need to wake up at 6 am… Haha… this is worse than a regular school day… ALSO, on Monday… that’s the longest day I will be at school for… from 8 am to 5:15 pm… Crazy right? Lol. I need to sleep so early la T-T;;….

Anywhoooo, I’m going to enjoy my new bedroom now =D. I’ll post up some pictures later… and my earrings collection LOL <3.

Emi & Jenny - My sis and I went to Michigan to Soaring Eagle...

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 20:55:58 -0400

Emi & Jenny - My sis and I went to Michigan to Soaring Eagle Hotel o_O;;;. CASINOOO @_@;;.

Lol?

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 22:10:00 -0400

You have got to be joking me.

Sometimes...

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 01:49:00 -0400

I feel like I’m lying to myself… Just simply so I don’t know the truth… Or bother speculating the truth… I’m so tired…

Lloyd - Pusha

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 00:30:00 -0400

Lloyd - Pusha

THIS IS SRS “MASKING”.

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 00:26:10 -0400

THIS IS SRS “MASKING”.

Emichi?

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 00:11:01 -0400

My heart still beats…

1 Song To Describe It All

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 01:57:00 -0400

At 1:37 am Charles messages me and sent me this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqkeqjR9otw

I was taken back a little because he never sends me songs to listen to… and also we haven’t been talking… Then I messaged Johnny and he sent me the translation to the song… Here are the lyrics…

Big Bang - Stay

Can you feel me now
Take a deep breath and let me explain
All the pain that’s been wreckin’ my brain
Gettin’ so close to goin’ insane
And see you standing there
And the feelin’ never gonna be the same
seems like we missed the whole damn train
Blame is all we have for us

And I can let in get in the way
Even if the love is the costly price to pay
Lookin’ back life love was the game of cliche
Gotta move away sacrifice my heart and let you breath again baby girl

Everything is too late now,
The way she never spoke at times,
That our relationship was becoming solitary,
Now that I’m alone

Honestly…
Her being by my side was something I thought was natural,
The mail I sent; User unknown

In the empty closet,
The promise ring we chose together for her birthday,
Lays in the corner

Before the door closes, baby please don’t go away,
I regret not expressing my feelings, what you to say,
Although I come to regret now, I know it’s late,
There is nobody who can take her place,
I want you to stay, want you to stay

The last words, yes,
They were ‘Thanks’ rather than ‘Take care’
It shows it’s the end, getting over me

It’s the proof that I could not give what she wanted,
The key of the mail box, End of the story

The night will come in the room I’m alone in,
I can’t see the lady who would be smiling in pictures

There will be no chance that I can forget you,
Baby please don’t fade away,
You won’t erase all day,
Want you to stay,
Because it makes me this sad, I know it’s late
Her existence which I had to keep,
I want you to stay, want you to stay

——

I started to ball my eyes out again lol… Speechless.

I thought:

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 09:10:01 -0400

- that I would stop being in depression between the months of Feb - May…

- that I found happiness.

- that I can give it my all and get something in return - happiness.

- that I can fully trust someone and depend on someone because they told me to. And I believed them.

- that I wouldn’t fall flat on my face…

- that I won’t be foolish.

- that I should have listened…

- that this is an unforgettable experience and definitely not regrettable despite the pain and suferrings tied into it.

I know that I’m grateful for whatever has happened. Just having a bit of a hard time letting go… which I’m sure will happen with time. Time eases the pain, si?

Tears just doesn't stop pouring.

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 14:01:49 -0400

♡ ◦ ε м і ∫ ε ε ◦ 穎穎〃 says:
*we took a walk
*talked a bit
*near the end of the walk
*he was like
*i still don’t think we have a future
*there are things that i realized
*it won’t work out
*i’m like as long as there’s feelings there’s willpower
*and it can work out
*he’s like no it’s not that simple
*i’m like yes it is if iyou make it
*he’s like i don’t want to talk about it
*i’m like i’m just afraid it will too late when u talk about it.. i’ll lose you … then i hugged him and i broke down…
♥ii таѕнϊϊ ▪ таѕн ° х | sick cycle carousel, says:
*awwww =(
*and then what happened?
♡ ◦ ε м і ∫ ε ε ◦ 穎穎〃 says:
*he didn’t know what to say
*then he’s like emi.. go home..
*and like tears were streaming down my cheeks
*and i waslike
*give me a kiss
*he did
*and i left

---

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 00:28:58 -0400

I just wanted to talk… to pick things up where they were left off… I apologize for causing you more trouble and more pressure… I didn’t know that I was a burden… I shall do my best and hope that everything will turn out well.

"I’d rather take the pain and sacrifice everything than not to be loved by you."

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 20:33:33 -0400

“I’d rather take the pain and sacrifice everything than not to be loved by you.”

- Wing Wing

All I need...

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 20:22:00 -0400

So, only one person makes the decision now? No longer two in a relationship? What happened to working it out? What happened to the promises? The things you’ve said? Am I not worth the sacrifice? Are you afraid I’m going to do what your exgf did even after your sacrifice? I thought you had more faith in me… Emi’s not worth it eh…

"I don't know if I can keep the relationship."

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 08:56:00 -0400

The amount I sleep everyday seems to plummet day after day O_O;;. I’m so tired but, I can’t sleep!!! =-=;;. Anyways, I think Charles made it quite clear last night… Although, he said he won’t tell me the “situation” until September 1… when his father leaves. Wanna know what Emi thinks? Emi thinks Charles fell for his exgf again… Emi also thinks… she somehow did that purposely… What’s the result? A bitter Emi! There’s always a third person… It is prevalent that he doesn’t care nor <3 me anymore… He should just be blunt about it… It’ll make things easier for everyone. But, no. He’s going to make me wait another month… as if one month wasn’t enough. I gave it my all though… I’m sure he knows that. Been loyal since he has left… Thought of nothing but, him. Did everything that would benefit us BOTH in the future. Sacrifaced quite a bit actually =/… which includes having stupid quarrels with my family… I should prioritize properly shouldn’t I? Oh, I wrote him an e-mail… expressing my thoughts. I don’t know if he read it yet… probably he did. But, he didn’t respond. I guess he’s speechless… What happen to hope, faith & love? I don’t know…

Emi's heart is breaking...

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 21:32:36 -0400

What now?…

worst sleep ever

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 10:54:20 -0400

I took an extra sleeping herbal pills yesterday from my normal dosage of two. I thought that would knock me out cold xD. But, no. Lol what an agonizing sleep… I woke up early too.. I slept around 4:30 am… I should be in bed shouldn’t I… I’m tired tho… but, I can’t rest…

Put me out of my stupid misery… I’m so foolish aren’t I? I shouldn’t let anyone take over my heart again lol. It’s too much for me to handle… I also question… why am I always the last one to know? Always left in the gray… no one tells me anything. I have to find out myself… piece together all the clues… I’m so tired of doing that… Why can’t people be straightforward about it? I’m lost, confused and I don’t know what I should do… I’m ultimately hurt… Oh wait, maybe I’m just super sensitive lol….. Hum, I must keep my composure…

Emi is hurt...

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 01:07:11 -0400

I don’t know what to do… I am crying… and I feel stupid. I feel very stupid. Why is Charles doing this to me… Emi’s not really loved… nor cared for…

I mean...

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 00:20:42 -0400

I would assume that I would be the first person that he would meet when he returns… But, I guess not. I’m 100% sure that I am probably the only person who REALLY wants to see him out of everyone he knows… He’s out with his friends right now… Lol. I just want to know that I am loved and cared for. I’m so lost right now… I don’t know what to think. Someone guide me please?

...

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 22:38:02 -0400

How much pain can one’s heart take?

Ah...

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 00:55:40 -0400

Sick to the stomach, what is going on overseas?

Must have… hope, faith & love.